I have finally started to feel like I know what I want to do with my life. The problem is, I need experience to do it. To get experience, I have to apply to things. Applying to things is not something I am good at. I applied to 2 colleges my first go-round, and 1 my second. I applied to 1 school to study abroad. For the job that I had for 4.5 years, I pretty much only applied to it. For the job I have now, I applied to... 2. Maybe 3. All in all, I have never been one to apply for multiple things at once. I tend to follow my intuition, apply, get it, and live with it. I often think about how I really should apply to more places, things that I want... but dear god I hate applications. I hate gettting references. I hate filling out my job experience. I'm a damn good worker, and can probably succeed in whatever they may want me to do. However, me saying that is not really good enough to make others believe it.
I've been looking more into what I want to write my other blog on, and the volunteering/job that I want, and I got overwhelmed. I don't like knowing there's so much out there that I am not a part of, but should be. This is something for which I actually have some passion, but I have a really hard time turning it in to reality. It stresses me out, and I get scared. This is why I want to stay in school forever. I'm good at it, and I get to learn about a bunch of things without actually having to do them. I'm really good at observing, being in the background. It's not to say that I'm wimpy, but I feel like I'm in over my head when it comes to doing what I truly want. The sad part is, it's not when I'm in the middle of it that I feel in over my head, it's getting started. It's making connections, making yourself known. I hate the time that takes, and it always feels like so much effort. It's the balance between being assertive, but respectful. I would much rather not step on toes to get what I want.
I'm a strong believer that being a good, kind person, will do you well in life. I can be a bitch-certainly- but I really do try to be a good person. Especially when it comes to work. I know that you are supposed to be assertive to elevate yourself, but I would much rather keep my soul and be recognized for being a good worker. I don't want to get a promotion or a job because someone else screwed up, and I'm the next best thing. I want to get it because I am the best thing, and I'm good at what I do. I try really hard not to talk about my coworkers (at least to my other coworkers) because I don't want to be in the type of environment. I'll listen to them, because I like to know what's going on, but I try not to say too much. I'd rather just walk the line, and do what I feel I need to do. Even though the job I have currently is just that-a job- I'd still really like to be promoted and do the best I can.
Getting started is always the hardest part for me, as I said in my first post. I need that inital push to get myself started, to believe that it will work out. I feel so lazy and pathetic when I can't just do what I know I need to do. I don't know what it's so hard. If I could figure that out, I wouldn't still have this problem. I'll get there eventually, I just have to do it on my own timetable. But my own timetable needs to be sped up a little.
I've been looking more into what I want to write my other blog on, and the volunteering/job that I want, and I got overwhelmed. I don't like knowing there's so much out there that I am not a part of, but should be. This is something for which I actually have some passion, but I have a really hard time turning it in to reality. It stresses me out, and I get scared. This is why I want to stay in school forever. I'm good at it, and I get to learn about a bunch of things without actually having to do them. I'm really good at observing, being in the background. It's not to say that I'm wimpy, but I feel like I'm in over my head when it comes to doing what I truly want. The sad part is, it's not when I'm in the middle of it that I feel in over my head, it's getting started. It's making connections, making yourself known. I hate the time that takes, and it always feels like so much effort. It's the balance between being assertive, but respectful. I would much rather not step on toes to get what I want.
I'm a strong believer that being a good, kind person, will do you well in life. I can be a bitch-certainly- but I really do try to be a good person. Especially when it comes to work. I know that you are supposed to be assertive to elevate yourself, but I would much rather keep my soul and be recognized for being a good worker. I don't want to get a promotion or a job because someone else screwed up, and I'm the next best thing. I want to get it because I am the best thing, and I'm good at what I do. I try really hard not to talk about my coworkers (at least to my other coworkers) because I don't want to be in the type of environment. I'll listen to them, because I like to know what's going on, but I try not to say too much. I'd rather just walk the line, and do what I feel I need to do. Even though the job I have currently is just that-a job- I'd still really like to be promoted and do the best I can.
Getting started is always the hardest part for me, as I said in my first post. I need that inital push to get myself started, to believe that it will work out. I feel so lazy and pathetic when I can't just do what I know I need to do. I don't know what it's so hard. If I could figure that out, I wouldn't still have this problem. I'll get there eventually, I just have to do it on my own timetable. But my own timetable needs to be sped up a little.
This totally speaks to me, lady. It's nice to hear someone else is having the same thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go out on a limb here and say we're both pretty great people. We're strong, friendly, and intelligent. You're wonderfully frank where I'm more of a bush-beater, but we both know how to treat people the right way (even when they don't deserve it!) Our chance to change the world for the better is coming. Soon!