Some quick things

Why is it not considered rude to say, "You're tall!" but people get very offended if you say, "You're short!"

This is something I have put up with all my life. Generally it's followed by, "Do you play sports?" When I say "Not really." it's then like I am wasting my height. I just don't understand why it seems socially acceptable to comment on someone's height only if it is to say how tall they are. Today, a woman told a co-worker that tall people should thank short people, because short people make tall people tall. She then stared right at me. Yeah, no. I'm not going to thank you for being short. There is nothing wrong with being short! In fact, short people live longer. So, be happy about that.

Second thing that people seem to think it's totally appropriate to comment on: weight, so long as you're thin. It is generally very difficult to offend me, but the other day a woman said, "You're very thin, like my sister. Are you that way naturally, or do you have to work for it?" Honestly, I was a little taken aback. You wouldn't ask a morbidly obese person if they are heavy from genetics, or if they just eat a lot and exercise little. I understand that being tall and thin has been idealized in our society, and somehow that makes it okay to comment on when people are tall and thin, but I really wish it wasn't. It's super awkward. What do you want me to say? Being thin has led to some really awkward situations all my life. I AM naturally thin, but I also work out and try to eat a semi-healthy diet. In fact, this could lead to some more ranting but I said this would be quick, and I need to take my dog for a walk.


This kind of sums up my future rant:

Relationships pt 1.

Lately, I've been heavily contemplating relationships. Mostly because 1. I'm not in one 2. I don't want one 3. I work with a bunch of married people 4. The people that aren't married are engaged 5. I have very few girlfriends not in relationships, but 6. The majority of my male friends are not in relationships.

Of the people I work with who are not in relationships, 2 desperately want to be, 1 recently got a divorce, and the other has a sort of man friend. So, I am constantly surrounded with wedding talk. Weddings are fun to think about. I've never been to one, and I'm not sitting here planning my potential-future-wedding, but I definitely enjoy looking at dresses and ideas. It's just hard not to think about it when it surrounds you on a day to day basis.

It's also hard because quite frankly, I don't really know if I want to get married. I can't say with certainty that I will never get married, but I have commitment issues. It means I really consider you in my life if I can plan things with you that are more than a few days out. I'm incredibly evasive when people ask me if I want to do things, and often use "maybe" or "we'll see" as a response. I hate being considered flaky, so I try not to commit myself to things unless I know I will go. I'd rather be honest and say "no." (Side-note: one of my first words was 'no' and in general, I don't have a problem using it.)

Part of my commitment issues stem from my lack of ability to sustain feelings. I can usually tell within a few weeks of knowing someone whether I will have deeper feelings for them. It's something that I have tended to  ignore in the beginnings of relationships, in hopes that I will change my mind. Yet it never seems to happen that way. And I have had some truly amazing boyfriends. I've only been in love once, and that was.. pretty awesome. That ended, which was not surprising. We dated from 18-20ish, a time of monumental change. I don't know how people manage to change in a way where each individual changes, and that change matches the other persons, and they stay in love. My relationship ended mostly (as far as I know. If I'm wrong, don't correct me) because we fell out of love. Since then, I've never really been able to manage things longer than a few months. How can I possibly handle a life time?

Once, an ex-boyfriend (the only one I do not like) told another friend that I was "a dragon" because I can't be contained or reigned in. It's true. I have goals in my life, that really don't involve anyone else. I want to be able to pick up my life, and move it freely if I have to. I don't want to have to consider another person's feelings and reactions if I want to alter something in my life. It's selfish-I know that. That's why I'm not trying to have a relationship, because quite frankly, I want to be a little selfish. I'm young, and I don't have the energy to worry about somebody else's life right now. Plus, I actually like myself a lot more when I am not in a relationship. I don't have any pressure to make some one else happy, or worry about if things are going well, or if I'm doing enough.

I could probably write pages upon pages of how I feel about relationships, but that would just be too much. My point is: I'm happy being single. I really am.

This blog.

Lately I've been feeling rather restless-intellectually. I figured a way to combat that would be to attempt a blog, where I could get a lot of this out.
Now I don't even know how to start this. I have a fair amount running through my head at all times, and starting things has always been the hardest part for me. I used to write my introductions last in papers.

Anyway, I guess a way to start this is to explain more. I recently had a birthday, and as I absolutely love my birthday, I consider it a time of change. And, as the past 2 years or so of my life have not really been that great, I am determined to make year 23 better. My goal is to do what makes me happy, make it so I am more or less satisfied with my life. I'm tired of waiting for my real life to begin. It's been my fault, so I'm actively trying to change it. I'm hoping this blog, along with another blog I plan on writing is what keeps me in check.

My long term goal is to go to grad school, starting the fall of 2014. I don't want to continue to waste my potential, my brain, and my abilities. I'm attempting to take things in to my own hands, because that's who I want to be. I find  myself often trying to compare who I am vs. who I've been vs. who I want to be. I know that there is more that I can be doing, I just lack the motivation. So, I'm trying to build my motivation. I'm afraid it won't last because longevity isn't really my strong suit when it comes to activities.

Here's hoping this actually works. This is my current motivation, which will soon be hanging up in my bathroom, with a couple other things that inspire me. (I recently redid my bathroom, and I figure since that's where I spend time getting ready in the morning, it's the most likely location I'll notice these things.)