Anyway, I'm trying to use my new laptop as the moment of change for my life. I'm seriously considering moving, but I'm having a hard time finding a job. I can't decide if I should hold out for a job that actually has to do with what I want to do with my life, or if I should just get a job and keep trying to volunteer until I have more experience to get the jobs I want. Or, if I should just move and then find the job. I know that's not the smartest thing, but the jobs I want aren't really specialized jobs, so I feel like the fact that I don't live in that city might deter a place from hiring me. I also want job that won't make me have to dip in to my savings to survive. So, we'll see. Plus, I'm just so ready to be somewhere new. I've been here for a year, and my life isn't really going anywhere. I don't really have the relationships here that I used to, and I don't feel that attached anymore. Canada won't accept me either, because I'm not skilled enough, worth enough, nor do I have family or a spouse there. So...unless a Canadian wants to marry me... I'm going to have to wait a while. That's okay, because I still want to go to school there.
I also think moving will force me to think about my life more. I'm just..comfortable now. It's boring, I'm not challenged really, personally or professionally. My parents are kind of driving me crazy. I just need to do it. I'm hoping to be there by the end of the summer. There was a chance I'd stay in town if I got this really amazing opportunity, but nothing came out of it. I tried to put myself out there a bit more, and I got no response. I can't tell if I should try again or just let it go. It's possible the email got deleted because the place had a big event going on that week. I'll decide on Saturday, which is when I volunteer.
It's also hard because a lot of the jobs that have to do with what I want to do require canvassing and calling people. I'd rather not work in that part of it. I don't mind doing community events and tabling, but calling people fucking sucks, so I imagine going door to door is a lot like calling people, only amplified. I'll figure it out though. I'm feeling more of a desire to get out, and that's what really matters. It'd be really scary, but more and more I feel like it's what I need to do.
There's also the possibility that it will be absolutely miserable. I have a hard time making friends, and so that is what makes me most nervous. I'm good at making acquaintances, but taking it further into actual friendship takes me a long time usually. I don't know where I will meet people. Luckily, I don't be totally alone, since I know people that live there (and it would be really nice to have a girlfriend in the same city again). I am also nervous about my dog, because I can't force her on anyone, and I don't know how she'll do when it's just the two of us. She has come a very long way in the last year, but she doesn't do change well. And I think it would be pretty neat to live alone. I would just have to make sure I don't become a complete hermit. I would be afraid of having someone break in, but in all reality, crime is pretty high in my current city, so I feel like you just have to find a better neighborhood and be smart. There's crime everywhere, so you just have to do your best to avoid it. However, I would not get a gun. I have defense weapons, and I'm not going to shoot someone for stealing my stuff. But, my view on guns is a whole other blog post or two. So anyway. We'll see what happens. It's all up to me being able to make that move, and this is about taking control of my life. I'm too young to be miserable.
I hope I follow through... but knowing me, there's still a possibility I won't.
