Yeah, I did that. I like old popculture references and I think we let go of them too soon.
Now to what I actually want to write about. Beauty.
It seems to be a pretty ever-present topic in our day to day life. But what does mean? For me, beauty really has very little to do with attractiveness. I have pushed myself into seeing people for who they are, and letting that beauty shine. This is because when I was younger, I was constantly looking at other people and feeling inadequate in terms of physical appeal. And I got sick of that shit. I also got older. I gained confidence. It was not a quick process, but I got there eventually. But now there is one thing that bothers me.
As women, I feel as though it is not appropriate to say, "Yeah, I like my body. I'm pretty content with my level of physical attractiveness." The stereotype of girls saying, "Ugh, I look so fat today" or "Ugh, my [certain body part] is so [hideous, like a whale, is awful, etc]" or just general disparaging comments is actually pretty true. Countering that are the friends who hear this and say "Ohmygod, you are crazy!" or "Dude, don't even. My [other body part] is [even worse comparison]." There are also many motivational quotes and sayings for girls to love who they are and not feel the pressure to look a certain way. Yet there is little celebration for women who actually have achieved that level of being okay with their bodies.
Granted this is not everybody, and I feel like I have certain friends who I can say, "Damn, my [body part] looks great today!" to and they will say, "Dayyyyum, hell yeah it does!" in return. Yet I feel like in general, girls like to hate on other girls who actually have the confidence that we all are potentially striving for. I used to be that girl-totally. I hated seeing other girls looking prettier than me, having confidence that I desperately wanted. Mostly though, I hated them for having what I didn't have. I wanted to know how they got that. And then I would start to dislike them, based on nothing, and create in my head this vision of them where they are a terrible person and a whore. The sad thing is, I am certainly not the only one. Girls do this. They really do. I decided one day that it was stupid and rude. I don't know this girl. She has her own insecurities just like me, why should I be mad because she's having a good time? So, I slowly trained myself to stop. Here's how:
I started admitting to myself when and of what I was envious. I also started saying something nice about this person to combat the mean that was ruminating in my head. Such things as "well, she looks like she's a good friend" or "Good for her-she's enjoying her night out." Strangely enough, it's worked. I also started a drunk crusade of girls being nicer to each other. Every time I'd go out drinking, I'd tell every girl in the bathroom that girls are too mean to each other, and then I'd compliment the girls in the bathroom. It was ridiculous, but the response I got was actually really positive. While I don't drink or go out as much as I used to, I still try to do this mentally whenever I see girls and feel that tinge of envy.
This leads me back to my original point. Being envious of someone because of their looks is pointless. Unless you are willing to go under substantial plastic surgery, why bother? Sure, I wish I looked differently sometimes-but I don't. I'm also lazy and don't bother spending a lot of time trying to make myself look better by doing my hair and make-up. So, I decided to work on changing what I can change-which is who I am. I strive to be kind, to be loyal, to be honest, to not be the person who weighs others down. I want to make others laugh, I want to be happy with who I'm becoming, I want to be driven, I want to be a positive in this world. I want to make change, I want to make a difference in the lives of others in a good way. The strange thing is, working on who I am inside, has made me feel so much better as to who I am on the outside. I'm not focused on the parts of me I don't like, and it's actually quite liberating. It's not easy, certainly. But it feels so much more productive to work on what I can change about myself, rather than wishing parts of me were different.
I have changed my definition of beauty, and as cheesy as it sounds, I have decided it really does come from within. You can be born with a beautiful appearance, but it doesn't mean that you are a beautiful person. I'm not trying to say that I am perfect, but rather that I acknowledge my flaws and weaknesses, and I am okay with them. I am working on it, and it's a personal struggle. I don't feel the need to tell other people how awesome I think I am. That doesn't matter. Telling myself that I am not a wretched human being has gotten me a lot further.
So I guess that's my call to other women: stop putting other women down because of the way they look. Focus on yourself, you'll likely be a lot happier. I used to have a roommate who would frequently make comments like "how does she have a boyfriend and I don't? She's not even cute!" Well, if you have a shitty personality, that's probably why. Looks are nice, but they aren't everything.
Now to what I actually want to write about. Beauty.
It seems to be a pretty ever-present topic in our day to day life. But what does mean? For me, beauty really has very little to do with attractiveness. I have pushed myself into seeing people for who they are, and letting that beauty shine. This is because when I was younger, I was constantly looking at other people and feeling inadequate in terms of physical appeal. And I got sick of that shit. I also got older. I gained confidence. It was not a quick process, but I got there eventually. But now there is one thing that bothers me.
As women, I feel as though it is not appropriate to say, "Yeah, I like my body. I'm pretty content with my level of physical attractiveness." The stereotype of girls saying, "Ugh, I look so fat today" or "Ugh, my [certain body part] is so [hideous, like a whale, is awful, etc]" or just general disparaging comments is actually pretty true. Countering that are the friends who hear this and say "Ohmygod, you are crazy!" or "Dude, don't even. My [other body part] is [even worse comparison]." There are also many motivational quotes and sayings for girls to love who they are and not feel the pressure to look a certain way. Yet there is little celebration for women who actually have achieved that level of being okay with their bodies.
Granted this is not everybody, and I feel like I have certain friends who I can say, "Damn, my [body part] looks great today!" to and they will say, "Dayyyyum, hell yeah it does!" in return. Yet I feel like in general, girls like to hate on other girls who actually have the confidence that we all are potentially striving for. I used to be that girl-totally. I hated seeing other girls looking prettier than me, having confidence that I desperately wanted. Mostly though, I hated them for having what I didn't have. I wanted to know how they got that. And then I would start to dislike them, based on nothing, and create in my head this vision of them where they are a terrible person and a whore. The sad thing is, I am certainly not the only one. Girls do this. They really do. I decided one day that it was stupid and rude. I don't know this girl. She has her own insecurities just like me, why should I be mad because she's having a good time? So, I slowly trained myself to stop. Here's how:
I started admitting to myself when and of what I was envious. I also started saying something nice about this person to combat the mean that was ruminating in my head. Such things as "well, she looks like she's a good friend" or "Good for her-she's enjoying her night out." Strangely enough, it's worked. I also started a drunk crusade of girls being nicer to each other. Every time I'd go out drinking, I'd tell every girl in the bathroom that girls are too mean to each other, and then I'd compliment the girls in the bathroom. It was ridiculous, but the response I got was actually really positive. While I don't drink or go out as much as I used to, I still try to do this mentally whenever I see girls and feel that tinge of envy.
This leads me back to my original point. Being envious of someone because of their looks is pointless. Unless you are willing to go under substantial plastic surgery, why bother? Sure, I wish I looked differently sometimes-but I don't. I'm also lazy and don't bother spending a lot of time trying to make myself look better by doing my hair and make-up. So, I decided to work on changing what I can change-which is who I am. I strive to be kind, to be loyal, to be honest, to not be the person who weighs others down. I want to make others laugh, I want to be happy with who I'm becoming, I want to be driven, I want to be a positive in this world. I want to make change, I want to make a difference in the lives of others in a good way. The strange thing is, working on who I am inside, has made me feel so much better as to who I am on the outside. I'm not focused on the parts of me I don't like, and it's actually quite liberating. It's not easy, certainly. But it feels so much more productive to work on what I can change about myself, rather than wishing parts of me were different.
I have changed my definition of beauty, and as cheesy as it sounds, I have decided it really does come from within. You can be born with a beautiful appearance, but it doesn't mean that you are a beautiful person. I'm not trying to say that I am perfect, but rather that I acknowledge my flaws and weaknesses, and I am okay with them. I am working on it, and it's a personal struggle. I don't feel the need to tell other people how awesome I think I am. That doesn't matter. Telling myself that I am not a wretched human being has gotten me a lot further.
So I guess that's my call to other women: stop putting other women down because of the way they look. Focus on yourself, you'll likely be a lot happier. I used to have a roommate who would frequently make comments like "how does she have a boyfriend and I don't? She's not even cute!" Well, if you have a shitty personality, that's probably why. Looks are nice, but they aren't everything.
