Oh, hey there.

I really needed last weekend. I got to see old friends, I got to travel, the weather was gorgeous, and it was overall a pretty carefree weekend. Plus, I got to go to Vancouver, which in my head has been existing as a form of paradise, a magical place where all my dreams will come true. This is because I have sort of set my heart on going to grad school at UBC. Vancouver itself was a little overwhelming for me, I'm not going to lie. BUT HOLY SHIT was campus amazing. It was big, but quiet. At the end was a superb view of the bay and the mountains. It was secluded from the rest of the city, which made it feel very Northwest. Or I suppose Southwest, since it was Canada. The only downside is the expense of living in Vancouver/surrounding area. It's incredibly expensive, and very hard to do with a not-so-small dog. One thing I gained over this past week, however, is extra determination to go. Now my biggest fear is not getting accepted. I think that would legitimately break my heart. So, it fueled me to work on my volunteering and to make things happen. I sent out an email to my dream location today, so I'm hoping she'll respond with something I can do. I donated money last week, but I don't think that really counts.

Another aspect that has helped my determination, I think, is that I feel as though my parents are coming around to the idea more, and are growing more supportive. I was going to do it anyway, but my parents are an incredibly large part of my life, and there's still the little girl in me that wants to make them proud. Having their support just helps my overall moral. Plus, my mom surprised my brother and I this morning with a monetary gift from my grandma's estate. My grandma didn't have a will, so her money was to be evenly divided between her children. My mom has decided to share that with my brother and me, and I am incredibly grateful. This has not solved all my problems, no where near it, but I know she knows that this is a huge thing for me. All I am currently worried about is how to afford school in Canada. I did a cost calculator at the UBC website, and they say I need 30k to survive each year. The program is 2 years. The sad part is, the school itself is only 1/3rd of the cost. Not even, actually. It's the living expenses that add up quite quickly. Of course I would work, and I would love to get a scholarship, but I would prefer to not be completely broke while attending school. I am trying to prepare myself for the worst.

I just want to be brave enough to do it. I trust in me, and I trust that things happen as they are supposed to. If this is meant to be, then it will be. If it's not, then something else will just come of it. It reminds me of one of my favorite movie quotes: "You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy. She's got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand."
I just have to brave enough to push destiny the way I want.



(I may also be feeling a little postive and bright because of the weather outside. It's so warm and sunny, the flowers are starting to bloom. You can't help but feel happy.)